it’s been 10 months

10 months since the last time i said that i loved you while you where dying in the ambulance.

and it’s been killing me for 10 months.

they say that time heals all wounds. but the more time that passes the more i wish i could tell you everything that i never did because i thought we had all the time in the world.

i hope that you’re proud of me, that you can somehow see how hard i’m trying, and how far i’ve come.

i wouldn’t be who i am today without you.

and it kills me that you died before i could make you proud.

i miss you telling me that you’re proud of me.

i miss you. i’ll never forget you.

there hasn’t been a week i didn’t cry, not a week i haven’t visited your grave & not a day i didn’t wonder what you’d think of me today. or what advice you’d give me, how you’d squeeze me in my neck if i hugged you and told me it’d all be fine.

and everything is fine. but all my success now means nothing. i can’t pick the flowers you watered and be proud.

it’s all thanks to u.

i’m nowhere close the man you were, but if i can be even 10% i’d be more than honored.

i love you pa. it’s the last thing i said to you before you were taken away, and that’ll never change.